4th of July Weekend!!!!

4th of July weekend

Wow what a weekend!!!

First I must say what a change from last year! I have recently looked back on my past posts. I have really come a long way since last July 4th holiday. I can now say without a doubt that I am so completely over Dave. Yes, I will admit I still have side effects that are lingering and I hope and pray will some day go away. My biggest being the fear of letting someone get to close to me for the fear of getting hurt again. I am also afraid of hurting someone the way that I have been hurt. I am not saying that I would hurt them in the same cheating and manipulative way that I got hurt, but the hurt of losing the one you love. I don’t want to ever see anyone experience that kind of pain. It was the worst thing in my entire life. However….. I have come a long way from those dark days.

Well onto my weekend….

My office closed at 1pm on Thursday so I had a nice long weekend! However, I worked on the ambulance Thursday night covering Jon for class. Since I had earned worst Mommy of the year award on Thursday… I had forgot to take Carter’s car seat into daycare so that he could go on the field trip. Since I forgot he had to go to the baby room while all his friends went to the movies on a field trip…. Yeah bad mommy. So, Friday I took Carter to Kick’s for some fun!!!

Michael the guy that I dated for six months… well as you know we have kept in contact and continued to talk this whole time. Well he wanted to see Carter and I so we were going to get together for lunch or something. Well he ended up inviting Carter and I to go to Riverton Friday night and watch the fireworks. I was a little hesitant on going because I didn’t know how his family would be since I had broke things off with him. Well Carter and I went… We met him at his Grandma’s house. When I saw him I just gave him a big hug. Then his Grandma came outside of their house and we all went to the park to watch the fireworks. I fought back the urges all night to reach over and grab his hand and hold it. I had these feelings all night that kept coming up… Why did I break up with this wonderful guy? How I have missed him… I wanted to lean over and kiss and hug him and never let go. What were these feelings I was feeling?? Where in the heck did they come from?? Where were they back in February when I broke up with him?? Well he took us all to Steak N Shake for milkshakes after the fireworks. Then we headed back to his place so I could get my car. He helped me carry the lawn chairs and Carter’s car seat to my car. I got Carter loaded up and settled. Then he gave me a hug again…. I think I let it slip and told him I missed him and I didn’t ever want to let him go. I gave him a small peck on his neck, but I really wanted to give him a big kiss!! ;-) Anyways… Carter and I then left and went home. Michael and I texted a bit that night and he told me too that he wanted to also kiss me. Oh my… could he still have those kind of feelings for me after what I did to him?

We chatted through text again on Saturday for a bit. I didn’t text or talk to him on Sunday, but he was on my mind all day.

So, now all weekend I have been thinking about him and can’t get him off my mind. Is there something there still?? Where are my feelings coming from and are they real? I wonder if maybe I wasn’t really ready to date back then… maybe it was to soon. What do I do now??? Do I ask him for another chance?? Do I just remain friends and see what happens?? Do I just say hey we broke up for a reason… the same reasons will come back again. I am so full of questions and so confused… I don’t know what to do.

Okay… onto the rest of my weekend. Saturday I took Carter to see Ice Age 3D. (I was still feeling bad for him not being able to see a movie on his class field trip.) We stopped and got some novelty fireworks. Went home and did those in the rain. We played Uno, Go Fish, and Trouble. Then we drove over to Knights to watch fireworks… not as good as the ones we saw Friday night. It had rained all day so the clouds were too low and we couldn’t really see much at all Saturday night. Sunday I slept most of the day away as I didn’t feel well. I think I have developed a bit of a chest cold or something. I didn’t talk to or text Michael all day… but couldn’t get him off my mind either. ;-)

HELP….. What do I do???? I don't think I am ready to reveal my new found feelings to him yet.... I am to scared. I wish life came with a how to guide. ;-)