Well I guess Dave took Lisa back to the airport on Tuesday or Wednesday. Supposedly she is going back to AZ to marry some guy because he told her that she would never have to work again if she married him. Is she crazy or what?? lol ;-)
I am so relieved that she isn't in Dave's life anymore because that means that she will not be involved in Carter's life. That is what really scared me.
Dave is getting Carter tonight to spend the night with him.
As for me I worked last night at Lifestar and got off this morning around 10 am. Right now Carter is at a friends birthday party. After Dave picks Carter up I am going back into work at 7:30 pm and will get off at 7:30 am tomorrow.
Some people think I am crazy working so much, but I love working on the ambulance. I get paid to drive and ambulance around and help people in thier most desperate time of need. Can you think of anything better then that??? I love it!! Plus the money is nice too! :-)
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Back at square one...
I am back at square one... the crying the pain. It all sucks.
I know I let myself get close to my ex again. Things were going well. We were getting along great... he has been begging me to take him back for the past 5 months. I was really doubting if I did the right thing by going through with the divorce.
Now this past Thursday he went to go pick up the girl that he was with before... our sons daycare teacher. Now she is living with him again.
Why do I set myself up to get hurt over and over again.
I am such a fool.
I know I let myself get close to my ex again. Things were going well. We were getting along great... he has been begging me to take him back for the past 5 months. I was really doubting if I did the right thing by going through with the divorce.
Now this past Thursday he went to go pick up the girl that he was with before... our sons daycare teacher. Now she is living with him again.
Why do I set myself up to get hurt over and over again.
I am such a fool.
Friday, July 4, 2008
4th of July
Well, I sit here all alone on July 4th remembering how we used to celebrate this holiday as a family. I miss my family, I miss my life.... Oh how I hate holidays now.
I have been officially divorced since June 3rd so a little over a month and it still hurts like heck all the time.
Dave called me last night to tell me he was going to St. Louis to pick Lisa up from the airport. Now Lisa is the woman that used to be Carter's daycare teacher that Dave had lived with for a bit. Well I guess now they must be getting back together. Imagine that... when just two days ago he was telling me that he still wanted me to take him back.
Daily I ask myself if I have done the right thing. Should I have given him another chance??
DIVORCE SUCKS and I HATE being alone on holidays... they are the worst.
I have been officially divorced since June 3rd so a little over a month and it still hurts like heck all the time.
Dave called me last night to tell me he was going to St. Louis to pick Lisa up from the airport. Now Lisa is the woman that used to be Carter's daycare teacher that Dave had lived with for a bit. Well I guess now they must be getting back together. Imagine that... when just two days ago he was telling me that he still wanted me to take him back.
Daily I ask myself if I have done the right thing. Should I have given him another chance??
DIVORCE SUCKS and I HATE being alone on holidays... they are the worst.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Inspirations
Inspirations
Just in a bit of a rambling mood…
On my divorce support online forum the question was asked what or who inspires you… So I have asked myself that question and my answer is CARTER!
Carter my son is what inspires me the most. I love that boy more then I ever thought it would be possible to love anyone. I honestly am scared to wonder where I would be right now if it weren't for him. He is my inspiration that has kept me alive during this divorce process.
Other inspiring people in my life are of course GOD, my parents, the rest of my family and all of my friends whether they are online or real life friends.
Just in a bit of a rambling mood…
On my divorce support online forum the question was asked what or who inspires you… So I have asked myself that question and my answer is CARTER!
Carter my son is what inspires me the most. I love that boy more then I ever thought it would be possible to love anyone. I honestly am scared to wonder where I would be right now if it weren't for him. He is my inspiration that has kept me alive during this divorce process.
Other inspiring people in my life are of course GOD, my parents, the rest of my family and all of my friends whether they are online or real life friends.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Court...
Well I am still married...
The judge would not grant the divorce with the visitation set up the way Dave wanted it. He wanted it to say that visitation would just be agreed upon between us. The judge said there has to be some sort of mandated visitation schedule. We don't have to follow it and can add days to it as we see fit. So my lawyer is drafting up the papers again to change the visitation to what we originally had that Dave wouldn't agree to.
Dave told the judge again that he had a problem with not allowing our son around a boyfriend or girlfriend until said person was in a continuous relationship with them for at least 6 months. Dave stated that if he got a girlfriend and moved in with her in say 3 months would that stop his visitation. The judge said it wouldn't per say stop the visitations, but it would stop the overnight visits. So now it is just no overnights with the new significant other for at least they are together for 6 straight months.
The judge wouldn't grant the first right of refusal either. Which is where if either Dave or I couldn't watch Carter during our period of time with him that we would first have to contact the other parent before we found alternative care. The judge said only if it is going to be longer them 48 hours.
So now we are just waiting on my lawyer to draft up the new papers and mail them to Dave to sign, and them mail them to me to sign before she can resubmit them to the court.
The judge would not grant the divorce with the visitation set up the way Dave wanted it. He wanted it to say that visitation would just be agreed upon between us. The judge said there has to be some sort of mandated visitation schedule. We don't have to follow it and can add days to it as we see fit. So my lawyer is drafting up the papers again to change the visitation to what we originally had that Dave wouldn't agree to.
Dave told the judge again that he had a problem with not allowing our son around a boyfriend or girlfriend until said person was in a continuous relationship with them for at least 6 months. Dave stated that if he got a girlfriend and moved in with her in say 3 months would that stop his visitation. The judge said it wouldn't per say stop the visitations, but it would stop the overnight visits. So now it is just no overnights with the new significant other for at least they are together for 6 straight months.
The judge wouldn't grant the first right of refusal either. Which is where if either Dave or I couldn't watch Carter during our period of time with him that we would first have to contact the other parent before we found alternative care. The judge said only if it is going to be longer them 48 hours.
So now we are just waiting on my lawyer to draft up the new papers and mail them to Dave to sign, and them mail them to me to sign before she can resubmit them to the court.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Court Tomorrow
Well I have court tomorrow at 9 am. I think this is going to be our final court appearance and everything should be final.
It is scary to think that tomorrow I am going to be divorced. It is really sad to think that my hopes and dreams I had for 10 years are really over for good.
I am so nervous.
It is scary to think that tomorrow I am going to be divorced. It is really sad to think that my hopes and dreams I had for 10 years are really over for good.
I am so nervous.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
My head is spinning and I am so SCARED
My head is spinning… And I am so scared.
I have gotten my final court date to finish my divorce. Then it will all be FINAL… Why does that scare the crap out of me? Why do I doubt myself that I am doing the right thing? Yes I do still love him and always will as he is the father of my one and only child.
I won’t get into my whole story again, but for those of you that don’t know it here is my original post about my story. http://www.divorcesupport.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=After&Number=156281&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Now my Dave is not with any woman and hasn’t been since the end of January beginning of February. He has been nice to me and wanting me back since then. He says he has realized he messed up. However I don’t think I could ever trust him again. A marriage is based on trust… if you don’t have it a marriage won’t survive. In the back of my head I wonder if he just wants me back to help him get back out of debt like I did when we first met, or just want me back till the next girl comes along. Then I think maybe possibly he has learned his lesson this time, maybe he will change. I have come sooo far, do I risk it all again? Another thing he keeps telling me is that I need to stop listening to my friends and family and do what I want to do. My heart is thinking give him another chance. My brain is saying… what, are you a fool, don’t trust him again. I know my family and friends would be let down and hurt them selves if I took him back, but eventually they would stand behind me as it is my life and my decision. They along with all of you have been my support through all of this and they see him for what he really is and don’t have the emotional heart strings attached.
I am so tired of being lonely. I do miss him, but there is a lot I don’t miss. I wonder if I just miss the dream of what I thought we had or could have had. I am so scared that nobody will ever understand me like he did. I am afraid that I won’t find someone to make me happy, make me smile, to make me feel special, needed and wanted. My biggest fear all my life has been being alone. I don’t want to grow old by myself.
I am SCARED.
Michelle
I have gotten my final court date to finish my divorce. Then it will all be FINAL… Why does that scare the crap out of me? Why do I doubt myself that I am doing the right thing? Yes I do still love him and always will as he is the father of my one and only child.
I won’t get into my whole story again, but for those of you that don’t know it here is my original post about my story. http://www.divorcesupport.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Board=After&Number=156281&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Now my Dave is not with any woman and hasn’t been since the end of January beginning of February. He has been nice to me and wanting me back since then. He says he has realized he messed up. However I don’t think I could ever trust him again. A marriage is based on trust… if you don’t have it a marriage won’t survive. In the back of my head I wonder if he just wants me back to help him get back out of debt like I did when we first met, or just want me back till the next girl comes along. Then I think maybe possibly he has learned his lesson this time, maybe he will change. I have come sooo far, do I risk it all again? Another thing he keeps telling me is that I need to stop listening to my friends and family and do what I want to do. My heart is thinking give him another chance. My brain is saying… what, are you a fool, don’t trust him again. I know my family and friends would be let down and hurt them selves if I took him back, but eventually they would stand behind me as it is my life and my decision. They along with all of you have been my support through all of this and they see him for what he really is and don’t have the emotional heart strings attached.
I am so tired of being lonely. I do miss him, but there is a lot I don’t miss. I wonder if I just miss the dream of what I thought we had or could have had. I am so scared that nobody will ever understand me like he did. I am afraid that I won’t find someone to make me happy, make me smile, to make me feel special, needed and wanted. My biggest fear all my life has been being alone. I don’t want to grow old by myself.
I am SCARED.
Michelle
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