10/15/08 update

Well it's been awhile since I updated everyone and a lot has happened.

So I will start with my date with the other guy that I had first met on the online dating. His name was also Michael. He is 38 and an Environmental Engineer with the IEPA and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. He lived in a really nice house over by Washington park. He had been married before, but never had any children. It all seemed really good… the great job, able to support himself, what seemed like a wonderful family life with a sister and his parents still together! Then he started telling me about his ex wife and how she had to have him committed before…. Uh I don't think I want that.

The other Michael and I are still seeing each other. I am just trying to get over the similarities that he has with Dave. From their names… Dave's was David Michael and Michael's is Michael David. Both of them were raised mostly by their Grandmothers and had a rough life growing up. Neither one of them knew who their Dad's were growing up. Dave's knew who his father was, but his mom withheld information from Dave on where his father was and withheld information from Dave's father. We didn't find out where he was at until his Mother told us his obituary was in the Jacksonville paper and that he had passed away. Michael has no interest in knowing who his father is. So… I am still taking things kind of slow and seeing where things go with Michael and I. I am just scared of falling in Love again and getting hurt again. Cause Dave seemed wonderful and really nice in the beginning too.

Okay… well on to what is new with Dave.

Dave either quit his job or got fired about 3 weeks ago. Last week he called me to Decatur to get some of my stuff that I wanted back cause he was leaving Lisa AGAIN. So I left and headed to Decatur…. On my way there he calls and says the cops are there and aren't letting him take anything out of the apt that is over $50. So that meant I couldn’t' get my TV's back or my microwave. I ended up meeting Dave at a grocery store parking lot and loading my van up with all of Dave's clothes and pictures and other stuff that he did take. Dave took his pay by the week car back to the apt so Lisa could have it. I took Dave to a hotel in Springfield to stay the night as the next afternoon he was getting on a bus to go to Spfld, MO to start trucking school. Well that lasted all of two days…. He called me begging for $350 to get his apt back and he quit the trucking thing cause he said he hated it. Well I told him I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I called his Mom Mary and Stepdad Garry and left them a message about his predicament. Well I didn't hear back from Dave at all on that Thursday and he wouldn't return my phone calls and I was worried that maybe he did something stupid like taking his own life. So I called his mom's and talked to Garry. He said that his mom had gotten on him about how old he was and what he was doing with his life. Garry said that he was getting on a bus Wed night and would have been back in Spfld on Thur morning. I said well I assume he is back with Lisa again cause when he is with her he doesn't answer my phone calls or return them. I told Garry that I know we are divorced, but I do still care and worry about Dave. Garry said he didn't know we were divorced…. He thought it was just a trial separation. I said no our divorce has been final since June. He also didn't know Dave and Lisa were still together. I said yes they have been on and off since December. She is a drunk and he keeps leaving her, but always goes back.

On Saturday Dave called me and wanted to know what Carter and I were doing and if we wanted to go with him to Jacksonville to see his Grandma who isn't doing well and he said he needed to find something. I said a job or place to live. He said both. He said that him and Lisa were staying at a hotel and she had written a check for it and it bounced so they were both homeless now. I said what about your apt… he said he lost it. I said what about all your stuff inside… he said it's gone. I said my TV's and everything. He got pissed and said nice to know you are worried more about your TV's then you are me. He hung up telling me that he still loved me. Then on this past Sunday Carter and I went to stepson Michael's football game here is Spfld. I was sitting there next to Tabitha and Becky said I just wanted to let you know that Dave said he was going to come. She said that he has said that many times and never showed up. So I texted Dave and told him that Carter and I were at the game and asked him if he was coming and if he was bringing Lisa. He texted me back and said yep. I texted him again and asked him when he was going to be there… and got no reply. So I packed Carter up and we were leaving. As we were walking back to my van Dave and Lisa were waling up to the game. Dave yelled over at Carter… Carter stopped and asked me who that was. Dave was about 20-30 feet away. I told Carter that is your Dad. Carter said oh Hi and then started walking again. Dave called him over to where he and Lisa were. Carter said to Lisa oh I know you… you are from my old school. Oh I was so pissed… Dave knows very well how I feel about Carter seeing him and his old teacher together… and the fact that she is a drunk and not stable. Ugh… Well I got a text message from Dave that night that said he was sorry about earlier, but he was just so excited to see Carter. I said well you know how I feel about her seeing our son and I was not happy. He then said well Becky invited me… I said yeah she invited you NOT Lisa. That is the last I have heard from him and that was Sunday evening.

UGH… he frustrates me so. I am so glad I stayed strong and never gave into his begging me to take him back. He will never grow up and learn. I supported him for almost 10 years and ruined my credit doing so… I am done. I don't ever want to have a man that I have to support. I want one who can keep a job… and not quit every time he gets mad and says he doesn't like it anymore. I want a man who know how to handle money and not blow if frivolously. I want a man who won't lie to me all the time. I want a man who will never cheat on me. I think I deserve that.. I deserve better then what Dave gave me.

Carter starts Hockey tonight!!!

Dating is so confusing…

Dating is so confusing…

Well as all of know I met Michael and we went on our first date on August 6th. After our first date I didn't really feel any connection to him. I thought maybe I was just not ready to date yet. So I ended up telling him I wasn't ready to date yet…. We continued to stay in touch and then I decided to give it another try and not in a date setting so I met him at the bowling alley while he was bowling on his league. It was still awkward, but better I thought. He is super sweet and nice to me…. Something that you all know I am not used to. Well we continued to see each other every once in awhile and this past weekend we went to St. Louis to a ball game. It was nice to get away just the two of us and not have others around… as he lives with his grandma so we haven't really been able to just spend one on one time with each other. So this weekend in St. Louis was nice. However, I am still so confused about things…. I told him I don’t' want to hurt him and I am really scared and not sure exactly what it is I want. I told him that he is the first one I have really dated since my divorce and I don't want to just settle for the first guy that is nice to me. Don't get me wrong he is a good guy and all… But I just feel like I am still missing something.


So… there is another guy that I actually started talking to before Michael. We started talking the very first day I signed up for online dating… he was my very first match!!! He was kind of seeing someone else at the time though and wanted to really see where that relationship was going to go for them. So we just continued to occasionally stay in contact. Well things didn't work out between the two of them and we have decided to meet! I am really excited to meet him…. As we seem to have a lot in common!

Now I have told both of them about the other as I won't lie or hide anything from either one. But, I am so confused as to what it is that I really want… I never knew dating would be so tough and confusing.

Also... can you beleive it has almost been a year since Dave and I seperated. We seperated on November 5, 2007.