It's been awhile…
Well we now into our second month of 2009 and I haven't updated in awhile.
Carter is doing really well in school. They evaluate the kids on their reading ability and at the beginning of kindergarten they are to be around a 0 and by the end of kindergarten they are to be at a 3 and that will have them ready for 1st grade. Well Carter is already at a three and we are just a little past half way through the year. I myself had to have help when I was in grade school so I am VERY proud of him! His report cards have all been very good too.
Last week I finally started getting child support again. I hadn't received any since October 6th. The amount I got last week was the original amount that the judge order, but since he is delinquent by over $2000 he owes me an extra $17 each week until he gets his all his back child support paid off. I have called and am getting the amended withholding order sent to his employer so that I start getting back support too.
Dave is still doing the over the road truck driving and he says he loves it. He still is trying to get me back and says I was his true love and he loves me…. Well it's a little to late now to finally be realizing that. I will always love that man, but don't worry I will never ever take him back.
Michael, Carter and I went to St. Louis for the weekend. We stayed at a hotel for 2 nights and took Carter to the Magic House and to the City Museum. Although Carter says his favorite part was swimming at the hotel. ;-) Besides having a great time and getting away my goal on the trip was to see if spending that much time with Michael would get me those 'I can't live without you' feelings. We have been dating for 6 months and although he is an amazing man to both Carter and myself I just didn't have those kind of feelings for him yet. Well the trip was great, but I still didn't get that great connection or those amazing feelings. My feelings for him are a loving caring kind of friendship feelings instead of a lover type feelings. He new going to St. Louis what my feelings were and what I wanted to try and get out of the trip. I have been nothing but honest with him from the start. So on the way home he asked me if I was still confused and what my feelings were. So I was completely honest with him and told him that he wasn't the one for me. I told him there was nothing he did wrong and that he is a great guy and that I didn't want to hold him back anymore. I hated to have to do it, but know it was the right thing to do. ;-(
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
2008... Wow, what a year!!
2008…. Wow, what a year!
(Warning… this is going to be long)
Well who would have ever thought that 2008 would be such a significant year in my life. You see back in 2007 I though that I was happily married, settled down with my husband and our son. Then in November at the end of ’07 I found him looking else where for love… he said I didn’t make him feel like he was my #1. Well let me tell you he was. He and Carter were my life. Boy how that has changed in ’08! Now I live for my wonderful son and myself. My world no longer revolves around him. I no longer have live with a suspicious mind all the time. Yes I do miss having a family of my own and I do miss that fact that Carter’s dad is no longer involved with his daily life. Carter had a really rough time in the beginning, but he has adjusted well now.
So I filed for divorce and it was granted on June 3, 2008. I officially became a single mom. I was granted child support in the amount of $85 a week. Now that doesn’t even cover half of the daycare, school lunches, sports, clothing, insurance and feeding our son. I sporadically received child support payments… I am again in a dry spell and haven’t gotten a payment since October 6th. So trying to raise a child with out any help has been trying at times, but we again are surviving. Thank goodness I still am living at my parents. I honestly wish that I could afford to move out and for Carter and I to have a place we could call our own. It saddens me every day that I myself can’t provide everything for my son… I do thank the Lord above everyday for giving me my wonderful son… he has saved my life. I also thank him for my parents who provide a roof over our heads and their loving support.
Dave has continued to hop from job to job and living arrangements. As of right now he and Lisa are again separated. Just like the many times before he says it’s for good. He has again gone to Spfld, MO to try OTR truck driving. So far he is sticking with it this time. He says he loves it. It is something he always said he wanted to do. Hopefully now I will start getting child support as soon as he is done with training and gets on their payroll.
I myself am still working two jobs. I still work at General Casualty full time and Lifestar Ambulance part time. There is talk of our Springfield branch office of General Casualty being closed. They have gone to an almost paperless environment and everything is going to image right. They have also been consolidating a lot of the jobs into either home office or regional offices. Slowly all of the jobs are being eliminated. It really scares me… what would I do without the insurance, the amount of time off I get and the pay. I couldn’t go somewhere else and start making what I do here. I could always go to Lifestar full time, but the insurance there sucks… and I would be on shift 24 and off 48. That would be hard being a single mom.
Well I thought I was ready to start getting out there in the dating world. I had already been set up by a joint friend with a wonderful guy who worked for the Illinois Secretary of State office in the IT dept. He had never been married and didn’t have any children of his own. He lived in a nice house in the country by Salisbury that had lots of land. He was just getting out of a long relationship with a girl I think he still loved…I too was just getting out of my marriage… actually was still legally married, so things just didn’t work out with us like I wished they had. So I waited some time and then at the end of July I joined some of the online dating sites. I met a really nice guy on eHarmony. He came from a wonderful family who’s parents were still together. He had a great job that he loves working at IEPA as an environmental engineer and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. So, he was able to support himself and had a beautiful house with a pool by Washington Park. Sounds great… a lot of the stuff I am looking for in a relationship. Well, we went on only one date and just as I imagined it all seemed to good to be true and work out for me.
I also met a nice guy on Match.com… his name is Michael. Michael works at Lowes Dept Store, and he lives with his Grandma in her house. We went on our first date on August 6th and went to dinner and a movie. After our first date I just didn’t feel a connection to him at all. I told him that I thought maybe I just wasn’t ready to date. We continued to talk and he is the nicest guy I have met in a long time. He is very thoughtful and caring. So I decided to give it another try! I was really scared to let my guard down and face the possibility of falling in love again. I was also scared by the similarities to Dave. Michael and Dave both came from the same kind of childhoods where neither one of them knew their dads growing up, both were raised mainly by their grandmothers. We have continued to see each other and have even went away for a night to St. Louis to see a Cardinals game. I got the tickets from work and I paid for the hotel down there. Michael drove and paid for the gas. It was a nice getaway! I told him though while down there that I still was leery about our relationship. I told him I was scared of letting him get to close because I was afraid of him getting hurt while I am trying to figure out what it is I want. We continued to see each other occasionally and talk or text daily. So here we are coming up on 5 months and I still feel like I don’t know what it is I exactly want. I am still so afraid of hurting him. I don’t want to continue to lead him on and see him get hurt. He truly is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Why can’t feel this great connection with him. I thought over time it would happen. What is wrong with me??? I finally let him meet Carter and he treats him wonderfully…. I couldn’t ask for anything better. His Grandmother, Aunt, and Mother all have welcomed Carter and I into their lives with open arms. I don’t want to hurt them either. Maybe it's cause we don't spend a lot of time together... since he works at Lowes he has to work alot of nights and weekends, then he has bowling 2 nights a week, then add me working a second job at Lifestar. Plus the fact that he lives at his Grandmothers house and I live at my parents house still we dont' get much alone time. I don't know... Why can’t I decide what it is that is wrong with me. Why don’t I feel this great connection??? He is a wonderful guy… WHY??? I am so scared that maybe we aren't meant for each other and of hurting him in the end.
Well that is about it for now… Not sure how many people read this as I know some have said they lost the link to it, but if you are still reading thank you for toughing it out and reading this entirely to long of a blog entry. ;-)
I hope ya’ all had a very Merry Christmas (Carter and I did) and have a wonderful New Year!!!
Love to all
Michelle
(Warning… this is going to be long)
Well who would have ever thought that 2008 would be such a significant year in my life. You see back in 2007 I though that I was happily married, settled down with my husband and our son. Then in November at the end of ’07 I found him looking else where for love… he said I didn’t make him feel like he was my #1. Well let me tell you he was. He and Carter were my life. Boy how that has changed in ’08! Now I live for my wonderful son and myself. My world no longer revolves around him. I no longer have live with a suspicious mind all the time. Yes I do miss having a family of my own and I do miss that fact that Carter’s dad is no longer involved with his daily life. Carter had a really rough time in the beginning, but he has adjusted well now.
So I filed for divorce and it was granted on June 3, 2008. I officially became a single mom. I was granted child support in the amount of $85 a week. Now that doesn’t even cover half of the daycare, school lunches, sports, clothing, insurance and feeding our son. I sporadically received child support payments… I am again in a dry spell and haven’t gotten a payment since October 6th. So trying to raise a child with out any help has been trying at times, but we again are surviving. Thank goodness I still am living at my parents. I honestly wish that I could afford to move out and for Carter and I to have a place we could call our own. It saddens me every day that I myself can’t provide everything for my son… I do thank the Lord above everyday for giving me my wonderful son… he has saved my life. I also thank him for my parents who provide a roof over our heads and their loving support.
Dave has continued to hop from job to job and living arrangements. As of right now he and Lisa are again separated. Just like the many times before he says it’s for good. He has again gone to Spfld, MO to try OTR truck driving. So far he is sticking with it this time. He says he loves it. It is something he always said he wanted to do. Hopefully now I will start getting child support as soon as he is done with training and gets on their payroll.
I myself am still working two jobs. I still work at General Casualty full time and Lifestar Ambulance part time. There is talk of our Springfield branch office of General Casualty being closed. They have gone to an almost paperless environment and everything is going to image right. They have also been consolidating a lot of the jobs into either home office or regional offices. Slowly all of the jobs are being eliminated. It really scares me… what would I do without the insurance, the amount of time off I get and the pay. I couldn’t go somewhere else and start making what I do here. I could always go to Lifestar full time, but the insurance there sucks… and I would be on shift 24 and off 48. That would be hard being a single mom.
Well I thought I was ready to start getting out there in the dating world. I had already been set up by a joint friend with a wonderful guy who worked for the Illinois Secretary of State office in the IT dept. He had never been married and didn’t have any children of his own. He lived in a nice house in the country by Salisbury that had lots of land. He was just getting out of a long relationship with a girl I think he still loved…I too was just getting out of my marriage… actually was still legally married, so things just didn’t work out with us like I wished they had. So I waited some time and then at the end of July I joined some of the online dating sites. I met a really nice guy on eHarmony. He came from a wonderful family who’s parents were still together. He had a great job that he loves working at IEPA as an environmental engineer and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. So, he was able to support himself and had a beautiful house with a pool by Washington Park. Sounds great… a lot of the stuff I am looking for in a relationship. Well, we went on only one date and just as I imagined it all seemed to good to be true and work out for me.
I also met a nice guy on Match.com… his name is Michael. Michael works at Lowes Dept Store, and he lives with his Grandma in her house. We went on our first date on August 6th and went to dinner and a movie. After our first date I just didn’t feel a connection to him at all. I told him that I thought maybe I just wasn’t ready to date. We continued to talk and he is the nicest guy I have met in a long time. He is very thoughtful and caring. So I decided to give it another try! I was really scared to let my guard down and face the possibility of falling in love again. I was also scared by the similarities to Dave. Michael and Dave both came from the same kind of childhoods where neither one of them knew their dads growing up, both were raised mainly by their grandmothers. We have continued to see each other and have even went away for a night to St. Louis to see a Cardinals game. I got the tickets from work and I paid for the hotel down there. Michael drove and paid for the gas. It was a nice getaway! I told him though while down there that I still was leery about our relationship. I told him I was scared of letting him get to close because I was afraid of him getting hurt while I am trying to figure out what it is I want. We continued to see each other occasionally and talk or text daily. So here we are coming up on 5 months and I still feel like I don’t know what it is I exactly want. I am still so afraid of hurting him. I don’t want to continue to lead him on and see him get hurt. He truly is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Why can’t feel this great connection with him. I thought over time it would happen. What is wrong with me??? I finally let him meet Carter and he treats him wonderfully…. I couldn’t ask for anything better. His Grandmother, Aunt, and Mother all have welcomed Carter and I into their lives with open arms. I don’t want to hurt them either. Maybe it's cause we don't spend a lot of time together... since he works at Lowes he has to work alot of nights and weekends, then he has bowling 2 nights a week, then add me working a second job at Lifestar. Plus the fact that he lives at his Grandmothers house and I live at my parents house still we dont' get much alone time. I don't know... Why can’t I decide what it is that is wrong with me. Why don’t I feel this great connection??? He is a wonderful guy… WHY??? I am so scared that maybe we aren't meant for each other and of hurting him in the end.
Well that is about it for now… Not sure how many people read this as I know some have said they lost the link to it, but if you are still reading thank you for toughing it out and reading this entirely to long of a blog entry. ;-)
I hope ya’ all had a very Merry Christmas (Carter and I did) and have a wonderful New Year!!!
Love to all
Michelle
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
December 3rd update
December 3rd update
Well as Christmas is getting near I am no where near ready. On my December 12th paycheck I should hopefully have a little extra cash and be able to go buy some gifts. I have bought Carter two things so far! So it isn’t like I haven’t gotten anything…. ;-)
I called the child support division and reported Dave’s new employer to them. They told me they will get an order to withhold out to them in the mail within 24 hrs and hopefully in about 30 days I will start receiving support again. I just hope Dave sticks with this job and doesn’t quit…. I know wishful thinking huh. They did tell me that I will get part of his income tax refund when he files for back child support. They are also tacking interest onto his late payments too.!!!!
Carter was sick on Thanksgiving…. He had 103.3 temp. Then I thought he was getting better and then on Sunday night he was coughing so bad and could hardly breathe. I almost took him into the ER. I kept him home from school on Monday and took him to prompt care. The Dr. listened to him and all she could hear was wheezing and so she said he had to have a nebulizer treatment first so that it would hopefully clear him up so she could listen better. He had that for 5 minutes and then she listened again and he has bronchitis plus and ear infection. So he is on an antibiotic plus an inhaler. He slept a lot better last night!
Well that is about it for now.
Well as Christmas is getting near I am no where near ready. On my December 12th paycheck I should hopefully have a little extra cash and be able to go buy some gifts. I have bought Carter two things so far! So it isn’t like I haven’t gotten anything…. ;-)
I called the child support division and reported Dave’s new employer to them. They told me they will get an order to withhold out to them in the mail within 24 hrs and hopefully in about 30 days I will start receiving support again. I just hope Dave sticks with this job and doesn’t quit…. I know wishful thinking huh. They did tell me that I will get part of his income tax refund when he files for back child support. They are also tacking interest onto his late payments too.!!!!
Carter was sick on Thanksgiving…. He had 103.3 temp. Then I thought he was getting better and then on Sunday night he was coughing so bad and could hardly breathe. I almost took him into the ER. I kept him home from school on Monday and took him to prompt care. The Dr. listened to him and all she could hear was wheezing and so she said he had to have a nebulizer treatment first so that it would hopefully clear him up so she could listen better. He had that for 5 minutes and then she listened again and he has bronchitis plus and ear infection. So he is on an antibiotic plus an inhaler. He slept a lot better last night!
Well that is about it for now.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Child Support Issues...
Child Support Issues
Okay well Dave is behind almost $900 in child support for Carter… and the amount grows each week as he is not paying me anything at all. Once it hits $1000 they said they can suspend his driver’s license. I hate for that to have to happen as I know he wants to get into over the road truck driving. But, I need help supporting OUR son. Daycare is $70 a week and if the is out of school for a day then I have to add an additional $15 a day. School lunches are $10 a week. I just signed up for my insurance benefits here at work and the price increased a bunch. Then you add on top of that the sports he is in and food, and clothing… The $85 a week that I am supposed to get doesn’t cover ½ of everything.
So I called the Child Support Enforcement Division. I told them that he is now living in Jacksonville, not sure where. I told them that he is working part time as a fry cook at McDonalds. Oh and that is another thing that ticks me off a bit. He can get a decent job and make good money. Yet, he has chosen to work part time at McDonalds as a fry cook. I am sure that he doesn’t make enough to cover child support for his three child support cases he has got. So I hope and pray that he doesn’t file a petition to get it lowered.
He called me today and told me that he is going to go to Spfld, Mo and try the truck driving school there again. He went there in the beginning of Oct and quit after two days. I told him I couldn’t believe they were even going to let him come back. I asked him why since he told me he hated it there… He said he hates it where he is now even more.
Christmas is going to be really small this year all around.
My father and brother can’t get any of the houses they built to sell so their business is going under. If they end up not selling and going to foreclosure they will also take my parents house as it is collateral for one of the spec houses they built.
The stress of money and things is just really getting to me right now…
Okay well Dave is behind almost $900 in child support for Carter… and the amount grows each week as he is not paying me anything at all. Once it hits $1000 they said they can suspend his driver’s license. I hate for that to have to happen as I know he wants to get into over the road truck driving. But, I need help supporting OUR son. Daycare is $70 a week and if the is out of school for a day then I have to add an additional $15 a day. School lunches are $10 a week. I just signed up for my insurance benefits here at work and the price increased a bunch. Then you add on top of that the sports he is in and food, and clothing… The $85 a week that I am supposed to get doesn’t cover ½ of everything.
So I called the Child Support Enforcement Division. I told them that he is now living in Jacksonville, not sure where. I told them that he is working part time as a fry cook at McDonalds. Oh and that is another thing that ticks me off a bit. He can get a decent job and make good money. Yet, he has chosen to work part time at McDonalds as a fry cook. I am sure that he doesn’t make enough to cover child support for his three child support cases he has got. So I hope and pray that he doesn’t file a petition to get it lowered.
He called me today and told me that he is going to go to Spfld, Mo and try the truck driving school there again. He went there in the beginning of Oct and quit after two days. I told him I couldn’t believe they were even going to let him come back. I asked him why since he told me he hated it there… He said he hates it where he is now even more.
Christmas is going to be really small this year all around.
My father and brother can’t get any of the houses they built to sell so their business is going under. If they end up not selling and going to foreclosure they will also take my parents house as it is collateral for one of the spec houses they built.
The stress of money and things is just really getting to me right now…
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
1 year later...
One year ago today is when Dave and I got into a fight about me wanting to go with him to take the kids back to Jacksonville. He told me he needed more "Me Time" and that he thought we needed a break and for me to go stay at my mom and dads. Little did I know then that he wanted more me time cause he was cheating.
I found out on November 10th that he was cheating on me again. My life crashed right before my eyes. I never thought I would survive...
I did survive though! It took a long time. I still remember to this day where I was the first time I realized I hadn't cried yet that day. That was a huge step for me. It took me weeks to get there. My next goal was to go a week without crying.
Now 1 year later I have found that light at the end of the tunnel and climbed out of that dark hole. I am happier now then I have been in a long time.
Yes I do struggle financially now being a single parent and raising Carter on my own. Dave never sees Carter and hasn't provided child support in over a month. So it is very hard to make ends meet, but still I am happy!! Carter is happy too...
As you all know I have met a wonderful guy that I have been seeing for almost 3 months now. I still am taking things slow and haven't introduced him and Carter to each other yet. I think we will be doing that soon though.... sometime this month for sure.
I found out on November 10th that he was cheating on me again. My life crashed right before my eyes. I never thought I would survive...
I did survive though! It took a long time. I still remember to this day where I was the first time I realized I hadn't cried yet that day. That was a huge step for me. It took me weeks to get there. My next goal was to go a week without crying.
Now 1 year later I have found that light at the end of the tunnel and climbed out of that dark hole. I am happier now then I have been in a long time.
Yes I do struggle financially now being a single parent and raising Carter on my own. Dave never sees Carter and hasn't provided child support in over a month. So it is very hard to make ends meet, but still I am happy!! Carter is happy too...
As you all know I have met a wonderful guy that I have been seeing for almost 3 months now. I still am taking things slow and haven't introduced him and Carter to each other yet. I think we will be doing that soon though.... sometime this month for sure.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
10/15/08 update
Well it's been awhile since I updated everyone and a lot has happened.
So I will start with my date with the other guy that I had first met on the online dating. His name was also Michael. He is 38 and an Environmental Engineer with the IEPA and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. He lived in a really nice house over by Washington park. He had been married before, but never had any children. It all seemed really good… the great job, able to support himself, what seemed like a wonderful family life with a sister and his parents still together! Then he started telling me about his ex wife and how she had to have him committed before…. Uh I don't think I want that.
The other Michael and I are still seeing each other. I am just trying to get over the similarities that he has with Dave. From their names… Dave's was David Michael and Michael's is Michael David. Both of them were raised mostly by their Grandmothers and had a rough life growing up. Neither one of them knew who their Dad's were growing up. Dave's knew who his father was, but his mom withheld information from Dave on where his father was and withheld information from Dave's father. We didn't find out where he was at until his Mother told us his obituary was in the Jacksonville paper and that he had passed away. Michael has no interest in knowing who his father is. So… I am still taking things kind of slow and seeing where things go with Michael and I. I am just scared of falling in Love again and getting hurt again. Cause Dave seemed wonderful and really nice in the beginning too.
Okay… well on to what is new with Dave.
Dave either quit his job or got fired about 3 weeks ago. Last week he called me to Decatur to get some of my stuff that I wanted back cause he was leaving Lisa AGAIN. So I left and headed to Decatur…. On my way there he calls and says the cops are there and aren't letting him take anything out of the apt that is over $50. So that meant I couldn’t' get my TV's back or my microwave. I ended up meeting Dave at a grocery store parking lot and loading my van up with all of Dave's clothes and pictures and other stuff that he did take. Dave took his pay by the week car back to the apt so Lisa could have it. I took Dave to a hotel in Springfield to stay the night as the next afternoon he was getting on a bus to go to Spfld, MO to start trucking school. Well that lasted all of two days…. He called me begging for $350 to get his apt back and he quit the trucking thing cause he said he hated it. Well I told him I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I called his Mom Mary and Stepdad Garry and left them a message about his predicament. Well I didn't hear back from Dave at all on that Thursday and he wouldn't return my phone calls and I was worried that maybe he did something stupid like taking his own life. So I called his mom's and talked to Garry. He said that his mom had gotten on him about how old he was and what he was doing with his life. Garry said that he was getting on a bus Wed night and would have been back in Spfld on Thur morning. I said well I assume he is back with Lisa again cause when he is with her he doesn't answer my phone calls or return them. I told Garry that I know we are divorced, but I do still care and worry about Dave. Garry said he didn't know we were divorced…. He thought it was just a trial separation. I said no our divorce has been final since June. He also didn't know Dave and Lisa were still together. I said yes they have been on and off since December. She is a drunk and he keeps leaving her, but always goes back.
On Saturday Dave called me and wanted to know what Carter and I were doing and if we wanted to go with him to Jacksonville to see his Grandma who isn't doing well and he said he needed to find something. I said a job or place to live. He said both. He said that him and Lisa were staying at a hotel and she had written a check for it and it bounced so they were both homeless now. I said what about your apt… he said he lost it. I said what about all your stuff inside… he said it's gone. I said my TV's and everything. He got pissed and said nice to know you are worried more about your TV's then you are me. He hung up telling me that he still loved me. Then on this past Sunday Carter and I went to stepson Michael's football game here is Spfld. I was sitting there next to Tabitha and Becky said I just wanted to let you know that Dave said he was going to come. She said that he has said that many times and never showed up. So I texted Dave and told him that Carter and I were at the game and asked him if he was coming and if he was bringing Lisa. He texted me back and said yep. I texted him again and asked him when he was going to be there… and got no reply. So I packed Carter up and we were leaving. As we were walking back to my van Dave and Lisa were waling up to the game. Dave yelled over at Carter… Carter stopped and asked me who that was. Dave was about 20-30 feet away. I told Carter that is your Dad. Carter said oh Hi and then started walking again. Dave called him over to where he and Lisa were. Carter said to Lisa oh I know you… you are from my old school. Oh I was so pissed… Dave knows very well how I feel about Carter seeing him and his old teacher together… and the fact that she is a drunk and not stable. Ugh… Well I got a text message from Dave that night that said he was sorry about earlier, but he was just so excited to see Carter. I said well you know how I feel about her seeing our son and I was not happy. He then said well Becky invited me… I said yeah she invited you NOT Lisa. That is the last I have heard from him and that was Sunday evening.
UGH… he frustrates me so. I am so glad I stayed strong and never gave into his begging me to take him back. He will never grow up and learn. I supported him for almost 10 years and ruined my credit doing so… I am done. I don't ever want to have a man that I have to support. I want one who can keep a job… and not quit every time he gets mad and says he doesn't like it anymore. I want a man who know how to handle money and not blow if frivolously. I want a man who won't lie to me all the time. I want a man who will never cheat on me. I think I deserve that.. I deserve better then what Dave gave me.
Carter starts Hockey tonight!!!
So I will start with my date with the other guy that I had first met on the online dating. His name was also Michael. He is 38 and an Environmental Engineer with the IEPA and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. He lived in a really nice house over by Washington park. He had been married before, but never had any children. It all seemed really good… the great job, able to support himself, what seemed like a wonderful family life with a sister and his parents still together! Then he started telling me about his ex wife and how she had to have him committed before…. Uh I don't think I want that.
The other Michael and I are still seeing each other. I am just trying to get over the similarities that he has with Dave. From their names… Dave's was David Michael and Michael's is Michael David. Both of them were raised mostly by their Grandmothers and had a rough life growing up. Neither one of them knew who their Dad's were growing up. Dave's knew who his father was, but his mom withheld information from Dave on where his father was and withheld information from Dave's father. We didn't find out where he was at until his Mother told us his obituary was in the Jacksonville paper and that he had passed away. Michael has no interest in knowing who his father is. So… I am still taking things kind of slow and seeing where things go with Michael and I. I am just scared of falling in Love again and getting hurt again. Cause Dave seemed wonderful and really nice in the beginning too.
Okay… well on to what is new with Dave.
Dave either quit his job or got fired about 3 weeks ago. Last week he called me to Decatur to get some of my stuff that I wanted back cause he was leaving Lisa AGAIN. So I left and headed to Decatur…. On my way there he calls and says the cops are there and aren't letting him take anything out of the apt that is over $50. So that meant I couldn’t' get my TV's back or my microwave. I ended up meeting Dave at a grocery store parking lot and loading my van up with all of Dave's clothes and pictures and other stuff that he did take. Dave took his pay by the week car back to the apt so Lisa could have it. I took Dave to a hotel in Springfield to stay the night as the next afternoon he was getting on a bus to go to Spfld, MO to start trucking school. Well that lasted all of two days…. He called me begging for $350 to get his apt back and he quit the trucking thing cause he said he hated it. Well I told him I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I called his Mom Mary and Stepdad Garry and left them a message about his predicament. Well I didn't hear back from Dave at all on that Thursday and he wouldn't return my phone calls and I was worried that maybe he did something stupid like taking his own life. So I called his mom's and talked to Garry. He said that his mom had gotten on him about how old he was and what he was doing with his life. Garry said that he was getting on a bus Wed night and would have been back in Spfld on Thur morning. I said well I assume he is back with Lisa again cause when he is with her he doesn't answer my phone calls or return them. I told Garry that I know we are divorced, but I do still care and worry about Dave. Garry said he didn't know we were divorced…. He thought it was just a trial separation. I said no our divorce has been final since June. He also didn't know Dave and Lisa were still together. I said yes they have been on and off since December. She is a drunk and he keeps leaving her, but always goes back.
On Saturday Dave called me and wanted to know what Carter and I were doing and if we wanted to go with him to Jacksonville to see his Grandma who isn't doing well and he said he needed to find something. I said a job or place to live. He said both. He said that him and Lisa were staying at a hotel and she had written a check for it and it bounced so they were both homeless now. I said what about your apt… he said he lost it. I said what about all your stuff inside… he said it's gone. I said my TV's and everything. He got pissed and said nice to know you are worried more about your TV's then you are me. He hung up telling me that he still loved me. Then on this past Sunday Carter and I went to stepson Michael's football game here is Spfld. I was sitting there next to Tabitha and Becky said I just wanted to let you know that Dave said he was going to come. She said that he has said that many times and never showed up. So I texted Dave and told him that Carter and I were at the game and asked him if he was coming and if he was bringing Lisa. He texted me back and said yep. I texted him again and asked him when he was going to be there… and got no reply. So I packed Carter up and we were leaving. As we were walking back to my van Dave and Lisa were waling up to the game. Dave yelled over at Carter… Carter stopped and asked me who that was. Dave was about 20-30 feet away. I told Carter that is your Dad. Carter said oh Hi and then started walking again. Dave called him over to where he and Lisa were. Carter said to Lisa oh I know you… you are from my old school. Oh I was so pissed… Dave knows very well how I feel about Carter seeing him and his old teacher together… and the fact that she is a drunk and not stable. Ugh… Well I got a text message from Dave that night that said he was sorry about earlier, but he was just so excited to see Carter. I said well you know how I feel about her seeing our son and I was not happy. He then said well Becky invited me… I said yeah she invited you NOT Lisa. That is the last I have heard from him and that was Sunday evening.
UGH… he frustrates me so. I am so glad I stayed strong and never gave into his begging me to take him back. He will never grow up and learn. I supported him for almost 10 years and ruined my credit doing so… I am done. I don't ever want to have a man that I have to support. I want one who can keep a job… and not quit every time he gets mad and says he doesn't like it anymore. I want a man who know how to handle money and not blow if frivolously. I want a man who won't lie to me all the time. I want a man who will never cheat on me. I think I deserve that.. I deserve better then what Dave gave me.
Carter starts Hockey tonight!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Dating is so confusing…
Dating is so confusing…
Well as all of know I met Michael and we went on our first date on August 6th. After our first date I didn't really feel any connection to him. I thought maybe I was just not ready to date yet. So I ended up telling him I wasn't ready to date yet…. We continued to stay in touch and then I decided to give it another try and not in a date setting so I met him at the bowling alley while he was bowling on his league. It was still awkward, but better I thought. He is super sweet and nice to me…. Something that you all know I am not used to. Well we continued to see each other every once in awhile and this past weekend we went to St. Louis to a ball game. It was nice to get away just the two of us and not have others around… as he lives with his grandma so we haven't really been able to just spend one on one time with each other. So this weekend in St. Louis was nice. However, I am still so confused about things…. I told him I don’t' want to hurt him and I am really scared and not sure exactly what it is I want. I told him that he is the first one I have really dated since my divorce and I don't want to just settle for the first guy that is nice to me. Don't get me wrong he is a good guy and all… But I just feel like I am still missing something.
So… there is another guy that I actually started talking to before Michael. We started talking the very first day I signed up for online dating… he was my very first match!!! He was kind of seeing someone else at the time though and wanted to really see where that relationship was going to go for them. So we just continued to occasionally stay in contact. Well things didn't work out between the two of them and we have decided to meet! I am really excited to meet him…. As we seem to have a lot in common!
Now I have told both of them about the other as I won't lie or hide anything from either one. But, I am so confused as to what it is that I really want… I never knew dating would be so tough and confusing.
Also... can you beleive it has almost been a year since Dave and I seperated. We seperated on November 5, 2007.
Well as all of know I met Michael and we went on our first date on August 6th. After our first date I didn't really feel any connection to him. I thought maybe I was just not ready to date yet. So I ended up telling him I wasn't ready to date yet…. We continued to stay in touch and then I decided to give it another try and not in a date setting so I met him at the bowling alley while he was bowling on his league. It was still awkward, but better I thought. He is super sweet and nice to me…. Something that you all know I am not used to. Well we continued to see each other every once in awhile and this past weekend we went to St. Louis to a ball game. It was nice to get away just the two of us and not have others around… as he lives with his grandma so we haven't really been able to just spend one on one time with each other. So this weekend in St. Louis was nice. However, I am still so confused about things…. I told him I don’t' want to hurt him and I am really scared and not sure exactly what it is I want. I told him that he is the first one I have really dated since my divorce and I don't want to just settle for the first guy that is nice to me. Don't get me wrong he is a good guy and all… But I just feel like I am still missing something.
So… there is another guy that I actually started talking to before Michael. We started talking the very first day I signed up for online dating… he was my very first match!!! He was kind of seeing someone else at the time though and wanted to really see where that relationship was going to go for them. So we just continued to occasionally stay in contact. Well things didn't work out between the two of them and we have decided to meet! I am really excited to meet him…. As we seem to have a lot in common!
Now I have told both of them about the other as I won't lie or hide anything from either one. But, I am so confused as to what it is that I really want… I never knew dating would be so tough and confusing.
Also... can you beleive it has almost been a year since Dave and I seperated. We seperated on November 5, 2007.
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