One year ago today is when Dave and I got into a fight about me wanting to go with him to take the kids back to Jacksonville. He told me he needed more "Me Time" and that he thought we needed a break and for me to go stay at my mom and dads. Little did I know then that he wanted more me time cause he was cheating.
I found out on November 10th that he was cheating on me again. My life crashed right before my eyes. I never thought I would survive...
I did survive though! It took a long time. I still remember to this day where I was the first time I realized I hadn't cried yet that day. That was a huge step for me. It took me weeks to get there. My next goal was to go a week without crying.
Now 1 year later I have found that light at the end of the tunnel and climbed out of that dark hole. I am happier now then I have been in a long time.
Yes I do struggle financially now being a single parent and raising Carter on my own. Dave never sees Carter and hasn't provided child support in over a month. So it is very hard to make ends meet, but still I am happy!! Carter is happy too...
As you all know I have met a wonderful guy that I have been seeing for almost 3 months now. I still am taking things slow and haven't introduced him and Carter to each other yet. I think we will be doing that soon though.... sometime this month for sure.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
10/15/08 update
Well it's been awhile since I updated everyone and a lot has happened.
So I will start with my date with the other guy that I had first met on the online dating. His name was also Michael. He is 38 and an Environmental Engineer with the IEPA and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. He lived in a really nice house over by Washington park. He had been married before, but never had any children. It all seemed really good… the great job, able to support himself, what seemed like a wonderful family life with a sister and his parents still together! Then he started telling me about his ex wife and how she had to have him committed before…. Uh I don't think I want that.
The other Michael and I are still seeing each other. I am just trying to get over the similarities that he has with Dave. From their names… Dave's was David Michael and Michael's is Michael David. Both of them were raised mostly by their Grandmothers and had a rough life growing up. Neither one of them knew who their Dad's were growing up. Dave's knew who his father was, but his mom withheld information from Dave on where his father was and withheld information from Dave's father. We didn't find out where he was at until his Mother told us his obituary was in the Jacksonville paper and that he had passed away. Michael has no interest in knowing who his father is. So… I am still taking things kind of slow and seeing where things go with Michael and I. I am just scared of falling in Love again and getting hurt again. Cause Dave seemed wonderful and really nice in the beginning too.
Okay… well on to what is new with Dave.
Dave either quit his job or got fired about 3 weeks ago. Last week he called me to Decatur to get some of my stuff that I wanted back cause he was leaving Lisa AGAIN. So I left and headed to Decatur…. On my way there he calls and says the cops are there and aren't letting him take anything out of the apt that is over $50. So that meant I couldn’t' get my TV's back or my microwave. I ended up meeting Dave at a grocery store parking lot and loading my van up with all of Dave's clothes and pictures and other stuff that he did take. Dave took his pay by the week car back to the apt so Lisa could have it. I took Dave to a hotel in Springfield to stay the night as the next afternoon he was getting on a bus to go to Spfld, MO to start trucking school. Well that lasted all of two days…. He called me begging for $350 to get his apt back and he quit the trucking thing cause he said he hated it. Well I told him I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I called his Mom Mary and Stepdad Garry and left them a message about his predicament. Well I didn't hear back from Dave at all on that Thursday and he wouldn't return my phone calls and I was worried that maybe he did something stupid like taking his own life. So I called his mom's and talked to Garry. He said that his mom had gotten on him about how old he was and what he was doing with his life. Garry said that he was getting on a bus Wed night and would have been back in Spfld on Thur morning. I said well I assume he is back with Lisa again cause when he is with her he doesn't answer my phone calls or return them. I told Garry that I know we are divorced, but I do still care and worry about Dave. Garry said he didn't know we were divorced…. He thought it was just a trial separation. I said no our divorce has been final since June. He also didn't know Dave and Lisa were still together. I said yes they have been on and off since December. She is a drunk and he keeps leaving her, but always goes back.
On Saturday Dave called me and wanted to know what Carter and I were doing and if we wanted to go with him to Jacksonville to see his Grandma who isn't doing well and he said he needed to find something. I said a job or place to live. He said both. He said that him and Lisa were staying at a hotel and she had written a check for it and it bounced so they were both homeless now. I said what about your apt… he said he lost it. I said what about all your stuff inside… he said it's gone. I said my TV's and everything. He got pissed and said nice to know you are worried more about your TV's then you are me. He hung up telling me that he still loved me. Then on this past Sunday Carter and I went to stepson Michael's football game here is Spfld. I was sitting there next to Tabitha and Becky said I just wanted to let you know that Dave said he was going to come. She said that he has said that many times and never showed up. So I texted Dave and told him that Carter and I were at the game and asked him if he was coming and if he was bringing Lisa. He texted me back and said yep. I texted him again and asked him when he was going to be there… and got no reply. So I packed Carter up and we were leaving. As we were walking back to my van Dave and Lisa were waling up to the game. Dave yelled over at Carter… Carter stopped and asked me who that was. Dave was about 20-30 feet away. I told Carter that is your Dad. Carter said oh Hi and then started walking again. Dave called him over to where he and Lisa were. Carter said to Lisa oh I know you… you are from my old school. Oh I was so pissed… Dave knows very well how I feel about Carter seeing him and his old teacher together… and the fact that she is a drunk and not stable. Ugh… Well I got a text message from Dave that night that said he was sorry about earlier, but he was just so excited to see Carter. I said well you know how I feel about her seeing our son and I was not happy. He then said well Becky invited me… I said yeah she invited you NOT Lisa. That is the last I have heard from him and that was Sunday evening.
UGH… he frustrates me so. I am so glad I stayed strong and never gave into his begging me to take him back. He will never grow up and learn. I supported him for almost 10 years and ruined my credit doing so… I am done. I don't ever want to have a man that I have to support. I want one who can keep a job… and not quit every time he gets mad and says he doesn't like it anymore. I want a man who know how to handle money and not blow if frivolously. I want a man who won't lie to me all the time. I want a man who will never cheat on me. I think I deserve that.. I deserve better then what Dave gave me.
Carter starts Hockey tonight!!!
So I will start with my date with the other guy that I had first met on the online dating. His name was also Michael. He is 38 and an Environmental Engineer with the IEPA and was a manager with a bunch of engineers under him. He lived in a really nice house over by Washington park. He had been married before, but never had any children. It all seemed really good… the great job, able to support himself, what seemed like a wonderful family life with a sister and his parents still together! Then he started telling me about his ex wife and how she had to have him committed before…. Uh I don't think I want that.
The other Michael and I are still seeing each other. I am just trying to get over the similarities that he has with Dave. From their names… Dave's was David Michael and Michael's is Michael David. Both of them were raised mostly by their Grandmothers and had a rough life growing up. Neither one of them knew who their Dad's were growing up. Dave's knew who his father was, but his mom withheld information from Dave on where his father was and withheld information from Dave's father. We didn't find out where he was at until his Mother told us his obituary was in the Jacksonville paper and that he had passed away. Michael has no interest in knowing who his father is. So… I am still taking things kind of slow and seeing where things go with Michael and I. I am just scared of falling in Love again and getting hurt again. Cause Dave seemed wonderful and really nice in the beginning too.
Okay… well on to what is new with Dave.
Dave either quit his job or got fired about 3 weeks ago. Last week he called me to Decatur to get some of my stuff that I wanted back cause he was leaving Lisa AGAIN. So I left and headed to Decatur…. On my way there he calls and says the cops are there and aren't letting him take anything out of the apt that is over $50. So that meant I couldn’t' get my TV's back or my microwave. I ended up meeting Dave at a grocery store parking lot and loading my van up with all of Dave's clothes and pictures and other stuff that he did take. Dave took his pay by the week car back to the apt so Lisa could have it. I took Dave to a hotel in Springfield to stay the night as the next afternoon he was getting on a bus to go to Spfld, MO to start trucking school. Well that lasted all of two days…. He called me begging for $350 to get his apt back and he quit the trucking thing cause he said he hated it. Well I told him I didn't have the money nor did my parents. I called his Mom Mary and Stepdad Garry and left them a message about his predicament. Well I didn't hear back from Dave at all on that Thursday and he wouldn't return my phone calls and I was worried that maybe he did something stupid like taking his own life. So I called his mom's and talked to Garry. He said that his mom had gotten on him about how old he was and what he was doing with his life. Garry said that he was getting on a bus Wed night and would have been back in Spfld on Thur morning. I said well I assume he is back with Lisa again cause when he is with her he doesn't answer my phone calls or return them. I told Garry that I know we are divorced, but I do still care and worry about Dave. Garry said he didn't know we were divorced…. He thought it was just a trial separation. I said no our divorce has been final since June. He also didn't know Dave and Lisa were still together. I said yes they have been on and off since December. She is a drunk and he keeps leaving her, but always goes back.
On Saturday Dave called me and wanted to know what Carter and I were doing and if we wanted to go with him to Jacksonville to see his Grandma who isn't doing well and he said he needed to find something. I said a job or place to live. He said both. He said that him and Lisa were staying at a hotel and she had written a check for it and it bounced so they were both homeless now. I said what about your apt… he said he lost it. I said what about all your stuff inside… he said it's gone. I said my TV's and everything. He got pissed and said nice to know you are worried more about your TV's then you are me. He hung up telling me that he still loved me. Then on this past Sunday Carter and I went to stepson Michael's football game here is Spfld. I was sitting there next to Tabitha and Becky said I just wanted to let you know that Dave said he was going to come. She said that he has said that many times and never showed up. So I texted Dave and told him that Carter and I were at the game and asked him if he was coming and if he was bringing Lisa. He texted me back and said yep. I texted him again and asked him when he was going to be there… and got no reply. So I packed Carter up and we were leaving. As we were walking back to my van Dave and Lisa were waling up to the game. Dave yelled over at Carter… Carter stopped and asked me who that was. Dave was about 20-30 feet away. I told Carter that is your Dad. Carter said oh Hi and then started walking again. Dave called him over to where he and Lisa were. Carter said to Lisa oh I know you… you are from my old school. Oh I was so pissed… Dave knows very well how I feel about Carter seeing him and his old teacher together… and the fact that she is a drunk and not stable. Ugh… Well I got a text message from Dave that night that said he was sorry about earlier, but he was just so excited to see Carter. I said well you know how I feel about her seeing our son and I was not happy. He then said well Becky invited me… I said yeah she invited you NOT Lisa. That is the last I have heard from him and that was Sunday evening.
UGH… he frustrates me so. I am so glad I stayed strong and never gave into his begging me to take him back. He will never grow up and learn. I supported him for almost 10 years and ruined my credit doing so… I am done. I don't ever want to have a man that I have to support. I want one who can keep a job… and not quit every time he gets mad and says he doesn't like it anymore. I want a man who know how to handle money and not blow if frivolously. I want a man who won't lie to me all the time. I want a man who will never cheat on me. I think I deserve that.. I deserve better then what Dave gave me.
Carter starts Hockey tonight!!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Dating is so confusing…
Dating is so confusing…
Well as all of know I met Michael and we went on our first date on August 6th. After our first date I didn't really feel any connection to him. I thought maybe I was just not ready to date yet. So I ended up telling him I wasn't ready to date yet…. We continued to stay in touch and then I decided to give it another try and not in a date setting so I met him at the bowling alley while he was bowling on his league. It was still awkward, but better I thought. He is super sweet and nice to me…. Something that you all know I am not used to. Well we continued to see each other every once in awhile and this past weekend we went to St. Louis to a ball game. It was nice to get away just the two of us and not have others around… as he lives with his grandma so we haven't really been able to just spend one on one time with each other. So this weekend in St. Louis was nice. However, I am still so confused about things…. I told him I don’t' want to hurt him and I am really scared and not sure exactly what it is I want. I told him that he is the first one I have really dated since my divorce and I don't want to just settle for the first guy that is nice to me. Don't get me wrong he is a good guy and all… But I just feel like I am still missing something.
So… there is another guy that I actually started talking to before Michael. We started talking the very first day I signed up for online dating… he was my very first match!!! He was kind of seeing someone else at the time though and wanted to really see where that relationship was going to go for them. So we just continued to occasionally stay in contact. Well things didn't work out between the two of them and we have decided to meet! I am really excited to meet him…. As we seem to have a lot in common!
Now I have told both of them about the other as I won't lie or hide anything from either one. But, I am so confused as to what it is that I really want… I never knew dating would be so tough and confusing.
Also... can you beleive it has almost been a year since Dave and I seperated. We seperated on November 5, 2007.
Well as all of know I met Michael and we went on our first date on August 6th. After our first date I didn't really feel any connection to him. I thought maybe I was just not ready to date yet. So I ended up telling him I wasn't ready to date yet…. We continued to stay in touch and then I decided to give it another try and not in a date setting so I met him at the bowling alley while he was bowling on his league. It was still awkward, but better I thought. He is super sweet and nice to me…. Something that you all know I am not used to. Well we continued to see each other every once in awhile and this past weekend we went to St. Louis to a ball game. It was nice to get away just the two of us and not have others around… as he lives with his grandma so we haven't really been able to just spend one on one time with each other. So this weekend in St. Louis was nice. However, I am still so confused about things…. I told him I don’t' want to hurt him and I am really scared and not sure exactly what it is I want. I told him that he is the first one I have really dated since my divorce and I don't want to just settle for the first guy that is nice to me. Don't get me wrong he is a good guy and all… But I just feel like I am still missing something.
So… there is another guy that I actually started talking to before Michael. We started talking the very first day I signed up for online dating… he was my very first match!!! He was kind of seeing someone else at the time though and wanted to really see where that relationship was going to go for them. So we just continued to occasionally stay in contact. Well things didn't work out between the two of them and we have decided to meet! I am really excited to meet him…. As we seem to have a lot in common!
Now I have told both of them about the other as I won't lie or hide anything from either one. But, I am so confused as to what it is that I really want… I never knew dating would be so tough and confusing.
Also... can you beleive it has almost been a year since Dave and I seperated. We seperated on November 5, 2007.
Monday, September 22, 2008
New Update...
Well I am sure non of you will be surprised…. Dave is again back with Lisa. I do worry about him because I know she is not stable. He is know talking again about getting into trucking.
Anyways…. About Carter and I !!!
Carter is loving kindergarten!!! I have parent teacher conference with his teacher Mrs. Pickett this Thursday. I am really excited to see how she thinks he is doing. I have signed him up for a divorce support group at his school. He will be grouped with other kids his age! I hope it helps him. I don't think he fully understands the whole thing… and since my parents are still together I have no idea how to explain it to him..
I am still seeing Michael. He still seems really nice. However, I am still so leery of letting my guard down and falling in love again. I don't want to get hurt again… I don't want to be lied to again. I am also afraid of letting him get to close and possibly falling in love with me cause I don’t' want to end up hurting him. I know the pain of losing someone you love. I don't want anyone to ever have to endure that kind of pain and agony.
I did get some free Cardinal tickets to Sunday's game from work for all of my hard work!!! So Michael and I are going to go down there on Saturday and spend some time in St. Louis and then spend the night and go to the game on Sunday!! I am really looking forward to spending this time with him.
Anyways…. About Carter and I !!!
Carter is loving kindergarten!!! I have parent teacher conference with his teacher Mrs. Pickett this Thursday. I am really excited to see how she thinks he is doing. I have signed him up for a divorce support group at his school. He will be grouped with other kids his age! I hope it helps him. I don't think he fully understands the whole thing… and since my parents are still together I have no idea how to explain it to him..
I am still seeing Michael. He still seems really nice. However, I am still so leery of letting my guard down and falling in love again. I don't want to get hurt again… I don't want to be lied to again. I am also afraid of letting him get to close and possibly falling in love with me cause I don’t' want to end up hurting him. I know the pain of losing someone you love. I don't want anyone to ever have to endure that kind of pain and agony.
I did get some free Cardinal tickets to Sunday's game from work for all of my hard work!!! So Michael and I are going to go down there on Saturday and spend some time in St. Louis and then spend the night and go to the game on Sunday!! I am really looking forward to spending this time with him.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Karma...
Well let me start with I was on a date with Michael again this past Saturday we went to dinner first then went and watched his cousin play football, and then went back and rented some movies to watch. I had a really good time!! But while we were sitting watching a movie Dave called to tell Carter goodnight. Well I haven't told Dave that I was seeing anyone…. So when he asked if Carter was around I had to tell him I was on a date and he would have to call home if he wanted to tell Carter goodnight. So then on I believe it was Monday Dave called me and he has had to call the cops on Lisa cause she is going crazy… she said she is going to trash everything in his apt and kill his bird…. She also quit her job that morning cause she said she was better then that. Well then on Tuesday Dave went again to the police dept to file another report and to see how to get her out of his apt. They said he has to file a 5 day eviction notice to get her out since she is refusing to leave. I guess he went back home and she was threatening him that she was going to have someone come over and kill him while he was sleeping. So he once again called the police and filed another report. They told him he needed to get out and go stay with someone or go and get a hotel or they could see if there was a homeless shelter he could stay at. They told him to file an order of protection against her and she will be served with it on Friday and she will have to get out. So he came to Springfield to stay. So for the first time in over 2 months Carter got to see his Dad last night. I took him by the hotel and we stayed for about 30 minutes.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
He THOUGHT the grass was greener
Well Dave thought the grass was greener ont he other side and ventured away from his marraige and his family.
Now he has gotten his truck repo'd. He has collections out the wazzoo.... His lovely girlfriend has already had her car repo'd before they got back together this last time. So they have no trasportation. I do feel for him, but he dug his own hole that he is in now. I bailed him out and helped him stay afloat for 10 years. But get this... he had the nerve to ask me for money to help him and her get his truck back. Ugh... I don't think so.
Now he has gotten his truck repo'd. He has collections out the wazzoo.... His lovely girlfriend has already had her car repo'd before they got back together this last time. So they have no trasportation. I do feel for him, but he dug his own hole that he is in now. I bailed him out and helped him stay afloat for 10 years. But get this... he had the nerve to ask me for money to help him and her get his truck back. Ugh... I don't think so.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Kindergarten and other stuff
Well I have sent my "Baby" off to kindergarten. Yesterday was the first day of school, however it was just a half day. The kindergarteners didn't have to be there until 9 am and the parents had to take them! I took Carter and we went to his classroom and his teacher Mrs. Pickett talked and put on a power point presentation. Then at 9:30 the kids all gathered around the teacher and the parents went to the cafeteria for a meeting with the principal. Then after that we went back to the classroom and picked up our little ones. I then took Carter back to daycare for the rest of the day. Carter loved it!!!! I did good to, I didn't shed a tear. However, today is the first FULL day of kindergarten and the first day for Carter to ride the school bus. Normally I will drop Carter off at daycare at 6:30 am as I have to be at work at 7 am and he will get on the bus at daycare about 7:35 and will also drop him off there after school at 3:30. Today I wanted to get pictures of Carter getting on the bus so I took him to daycare at 7:30 and waited and watched him get on the bus. Last night he was so worried about getting on the wrong bus and forgetting what bus number he was. He did great today…. He didn't shed a tear. Mommy on the other hand held it together until after he got on the bus…. Then I lost it… I cried. He is my "Baby"…. Today can't get over soon enough. I can't wait to pick him up from daycare tonight and find out how his day was at kindergarten!
Dave still hasn't seen Carter since July 11th when I took Carter and dropped him off at McDonalds to see his dad. Dave spent about an hour with him and then brought him back home. Dave didn't even call to see how his first day of kindergarten went. I had Carter call him, but he had to leave a message cause Dave didn't answer his phone.
Carter has started up soccer and t-ball again for the fall. His first t-ball game is this Wednesday, and his first soccer game in this Saturday.
I had a date about a week ago! His name is Michael. He was really nice and super sweet, however I didn't really feel any connection at all with him. I told him I just didn't think I was ready to date. However I have decided to see him once again in a different setting besides a "date setting". So I am going to stop by the bowling alley tonight while he is playing on his league and see him.
Well that is it for now.
Dave still hasn't seen Carter since July 11th when I took Carter and dropped him off at McDonalds to see his dad. Dave spent about an hour with him and then brought him back home. Dave didn't even call to see how his first day of kindergarten went. I had Carter call him, but he had to leave a message cause Dave didn't answer his phone.
Carter has started up soccer and t-ball again for the fall. His first t-ball game is this Wednesday, and his first soccer game in this Saturday.
I had a date about a week ago! His name is Michael. He was really nice and super sweet, however I didn't really feel any connection at all with him. I told him I just didn't think I was ready to date. However I have decided to see him once again in a different setting besides a "date setting". So I am going to stop by the bowling alley tonight while he is playing on his league and see him.
Well that is it for now.
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